RUN LIKE A CHAMPION

Family Life – 5
Sammy Tippit: We’ve been talking about husband-and-wife relationships, and we’ve especially been talking about communication and how vitally important communication is. We want to continue that discussion about how to communicate effectively. When the Bible begins to talk about the husband-and-wife relationship in Ephesians, chapter 5…

“Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.” Or you could say to submit in the reverence of Christ. A lot of times, the word submit is a word people don’t like, but the Bible says it. It says to submit yourselves. So what does that mean? I’ve come to a definition of what submission means. It means respecting with a spirit of humility at its root. We respect one another with a spirit of humility.
When we have that respect for one another and it’s rooted in humility, that enables communication and enables us to communicate with one another. So let’s talk about communication and respecting and what those mean to you. How do you do that? How do you develop that spirit of respect for one another and develop that spirit of humility?
Dave Tippit: As I mentioned in a previous session, I think respect has to be earned. I think that sometimes, as we talked about with the different love languages, we’re projecting what we want, what we respect in someone else, onto our spouses. But they may have a different value system of how to earn that respect.
For example, your wife may be someone who really needs someone to listen to her, have an attentive ear, empathize, not really say much, and not try to fix the problem whenever she’s sharing her heart with you. That’s what she respects. On the other hand, there may be a husband who comes from a more no-nonsense background and just kind of says what it is and is plain and straightforward in how he speaks. That’s what he respects. You just tell him the truth, and…
Sammy: You’re talking about us?
Dave: I’m not looking at y’all for any reason.
Tex Tippit: The fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it?
Dave: I do think you have to learn to appreciate and value each other in the way each party respects and try to meet them in the middle with what you’re talking about. I think true respect is born out of that. Whenever you do meet in the middle and don’t try to get your wife to just do it your way or vice versa, respect will start to happen.
Kelly Tippit: I think that also just focusing on each other’s strengths instead of weaknesses… If you’re naturally somebody who sees the glass half empty instead of half full, you tend to focus on the weaknesses and want to change and make them a certain way. So I think that people like me who find that more of a challenge need to continually be focusing on the strengths and remembering that’s what you want the other person to be doing. So you need to do that as well, and that will help build mutual respect.
Sammy: You know, one of the chief complaints I hear from couples when we talk about respect is that… One person will say, “Well, my spouse is always trying to play the Holy Spirit, trying to say, ‘I’m going to make this person like Jesus.'” Of course, that’s an impossible task, especially for Tex, because I have a long, long way to go. Humility then plays a really great role in that. Again, we keep coming back to this idea of humility.
I think that to be able to communicate, it’s having that humble spirit that is important. I see that in you. For me, that spirit of humility has been there, and sometimes I get convicted because I go, “Oh man, I see how I’m not like that.” So tell me what causes you to develop that kind of humble spirit. I’m not trying to say you’re Ms. Humble, but you have to be with me.
Tex: We married, so… That’s one thing that is like an eggshell. When an eggshell has been broken and you put it together, the pieces complement one another. I think that in all of our lives, like Kelly was saying, there’s brokenness in places, yet we have our strengths and our weaknesses, and that brings us together.
I think one of the things I have appreciated most about you is that you are so open, so you do challenge me in that area. You challenge me to be more open. It has been a blessing in my life, and at times… Sometimes you’re so strong that I think, “Whoa!” and it causes me to pray, so I think it points me back to Jesus.
Sammy: This is all communication. That’s what we’re talking about. My voice… Braden, who is y’all’s youngest, is like me in some ways. I identify with Braden because my voice naturally is louder than I hear myself, so sometimes I’m speaking loudly and people think I’m being more… To me, I’m not that way, but it feels that way. You’ve been able to… This is what I was talking about with regard to humility.
You have watched me, and you’ve kind of learned me and realized, “Hey, he’s not meaning that the way it’s coming out.” You’ve been able to discern that. To me, I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s a God thing. I know it’s something God has done in your heart, because only God could do that. What about you guys? What is something you see in each other that just has blessed you or helped you to develop (like you said, you earn respect) that respect?
Kelly: I think that when I look at Dave, I really respect the way he values people who are different from him. He can see differences in people, and instead of being afraid of them or pushing them away, he learns from them. It’s not trying to get them to change to be like him or to change their mind. He just really, genuinely cares.
I think that has a lot to do with traveling. Growing up, he traveled so much, and he was around people who had different religions, different beliefs, and different customs and food, even, and it doesn’t scare him to be around that. I do really value the way he can make someone feel comfortable just because he accepts them. There’s no judgment there, and he’s really good at learning from people who are different from him.
Dave: I mean, there are a couple of things, but I think that for me, the thing at the top of the list would be the fact that Kelly has that self-sacrificial servant’s heart Christ has. She lives it every day. You can say things, but your actions speak louder than words, and every day she does selfless things that are really the glue to our family.
It’s thankless so many times, especially from our kids (and me too). It’s thankless, and she just keeps doing it out of that genuine, deep love she has for each one of us. She knows it’ll make our family better, it’ll make our family operate the way it’s supposed to operate. Part B, really quickly, is what I mentioned earlier. It’s just her heart for others.
That ties into humility too. It’s especially with those who don’t have a voice, the voiceless, those who are being bullied, those who just haven’t been given much in life. She wants to walk alongside them and help them get to a point where they can thrive in how God has made them to be. I really appreciate that.
Sammy: Even in just discussing this, this is communication we’re talking about. You brought this out, Kelly. Just recognizing the strength in the other person and how helpful even just verbalizing that is… One of my great weaknesses is verbalizing what I see. I see that I appreciate, but I need to verbalize it more. I need to verbalize the strengths in other people.
That’s something Tex has done. One of the things that will help with our communication is to start communicating with each other those strengths we see in one another just like we’ve done here. Building that respect keeps us rooted in that spirit of humility by seeing… The Scripture says, “…esteem others better than yourselves…”
Seeing their strengths and recognizing that can be really, really helpful. Submitting yourselves to one another in the reverence and fear of Christ, that when you look at each other and you respect one another, your heart is rooted in a spirit of humility… That’s what the Scripture says we can do that will help us, I believe, to communicate with one another.